Helping Others to Develop their Emotional Intelligence

Developing emotional intelligence not only enhances your relationship with your team, but it also builds a better foundation in your workplace. It is important that you find opportunities to apply emotional intelligence to increase the effectiveness of your team.

Self-awareness

Self-awareness is an important component of emotional intelligence. As you learned, one of the attributes of self-awareness is the ability to recognise one's own feelings. Team members, however, may not always be able to identify what they are feeling or understand why they feel those emotions, let alone know what to do about it.

Team members' ability to understand their emotions is linked to greater self-confidence since this understanding gives them greater control over their emotions. You can support team members develop this self-confidence by helping them learn to identify what they usually think about and what they feel when they make decisions.

Talking about both positive and negative feelings is one way to help team members learn how to deal with their emotions appropriately. Addressing their stress, anxiety, frustration, and disappointment can help them learn to identify their feelings.

Unconstructive emotional behaviours

A barrier to developing your team members' emotional intelligence may be their lack of willingness to do so. You should be aware that some of them may express the following unconstructive emotional behaviours.

Emotional perfectionism

They believe that they should not have negative feelings. They think that they should always be in complete control of their emotions, because they are afraid of being exposed as weak or vulnerable.

Fear of disapproval and rejection

They believe that people will belittle or reject them if others know how they really feel. They are so terrified of rejection that they would rather suppress their feelings and put up with abuse rather than take the chance of making anyone mad at them.

Passive-aggressive behaviour

The hide their feelings instead of disclosing their true emotions. They give others the silent treatment, an inappropriate and common strategy to elicit feelings of guilt from other people.

Hopelessness

They are convinced that their situation cannot improve no matter what they do. They may feel that they have already tried everything and nothing works.

Low self-esteem

These people believe that they are not entitled to have emotions like disappointment, sadness or anger. They think they should meet others' expectations without their own needs.

Spontaneity

They believe that they have the right to immediately say what they think and feel when they are upset, without regard for whether or not it is appropriate to do so.

Mind reading

They believe that others should know how they feel and what they need, even though they have not disclosed what they need. Their belief that people close to them can guess what they need provides and excuse to engage in non-disclosure. This results in them feeling resentful because they will feel that people do not care about their needs.

Martyrdom

They are afraid to admit that they are angry or hurt because they do not want to give anyone the satisfaction of seeing them vulnerable. Taking pride in controlling their emotions does not support clear and functional communication.

You can organise one-on-one consultations with team members if required, but generally, your conversations with your team members about emotions do not need to be rigidly structured like regular meetings. They do not have to be scheduled in advance and have an agenda prepared for them. You can accomplish your goal simply by chatting during breaks or setting a time to go out for lunch or dinner with the team. Keep your tone casual, as these conversations should be relaxed.

However, not everyone finds expressing their feelings easy. They may have had negative experiences in the past and be afraid of anger and conflicts with others, or believe that people in good relationships should not have arguments. As a leader, you can give team members guidelines about the language to interact productively with one another about their emotions. For example, using 'I - statements.' A team member can say, "I feel frustrated when…" instead of "He was rude." This enables them to identify their emotions and avoid placing blame onto other people for the way that they feel.

You should also remember to be aware of the different ways team members respond to and display emotion. As you know, emotional expression varies from culture to culture. Displays of emotion can also differ from one individual to individual. It is important for you to be sensitive to their different ways of emotional expression. It is also essential for team members to understand that their peers may respond to and display emotions differently than they may.

Being aware of their emotions is only a part of emotional intelligence. Emotionally intelligent team members should also know how to manage these emotions. They will sometimes be frustrated or anxious when they try to learn something difficult. Leaders cannot eliminate frustration in the workplace, but they can help team members learn to manage these feelings.

Having these discussions with them regularly lets you encourage them to participate in the workplace more and interact more with other co-workers. It also enables you to bring up issues that other co-workers may have pointed out. You can identify any areas in their behaviour that they can improve to have better relations with the rest of the team.

Conflict is inevitable in workplaces, but you can minimise unnecessary conflicts and help team members learn to resolve disagreements peacefully. When team members learn patience with themselves and each other, they can develop the perseverance and skills needed to work through conflict and frustration.

Other skills that you can teach team members are anger management, conflict management, the ability to reassess disruptive impulses and the ability to work cooperatively. Your involvement will facilitate the long-term goal of developing their emotional intelligence and applying it in the workplace.

When you start developing tasks to help build your co-workers' emotional intelligence, consider the specific principles you want to improve. Based on your interactions with them, consider which areas that could use additional work. When developing tasks for team members, remember to introduce a 'no-fault' approach for them. This approach for working out workplace issues is a process that does not blame individuals but instead helps team members internalise a way of working through and thinking out issues.

Activities for self-awareness

As discussed before, not everyone is always aware of their emotions and why they feel them. When your team members are not aware of their emotions, they may not also be aware of what motivates their actions. They need to be aware of what they feel and why they feel that way to communicate these feelings more effectively.

You can encourage them to start a journal where they can write a few sentences each day about the emotions they felt and what triggered them. You can also teach them how to do mindfulness exercises. You can ask them to do this on their own time or conduct mindfulness sessions as a group.

Activities for self-management

Leaders sometimes take for granted that all team members are able to manage their impulses. You need to teach them how they are expected to behave, rather than assuming that they are 'bad' when they behave in ways that do not align with your expectations. Impulse control is an important component of self-management. An important ability in impulse control is knowing the difference between feelings and actions, learning to make better decisions by controlling the impulse to act and then identifying alternative actions and their consequences. Similar to the tasks for self-awareness, you can facilitate their self-management by teaching them how to do mindfulness exercises. When they are aware of what they are feeling and why they feel that, they can have better control over their thoughts and actions.

Helping them learn how to motivate themselves can also help them manage their emotions and actions. Team members are more productive when they are self-motivated and engaged in their duties. Set regular meetings or consultations to check up on their progress and ask about how they are doing. During these discussions, you can give them specific feedback on how they can do tasks and identify what motivates them. Strive to learn about what they believe about themselves and their abilities, what they care for and what tasks are likely to give them the success that will keep them working hard. You can motivate them by developing engaging tasks and providing rewards for their success.

Activities for social awareness

Team members who display empathy are good listeners, are sensitive to others' needs and feelings and treat others with respect. You can help team members develop this by creating opportunities for them to take on and understand different perspectives and take responsibility for their actions. For example, you can help them empathise with another member who is experiencing a challenging time. You can foster empathy by encouraging them to remember what it was like for them when they experienced similar frustration. You can also schedule regular lunches or dinners outside of work hours so everyone can share their feelings in a casual setting.

Activities for relationship management

Conflict is an inevitable part of any relationship, particularly in the workplace. These can be resolved in healthy, positive ways to ensure that workplace relationships are not impacted. Conflict management and resolution education involve helping team members process their emotions in productive ways when disagreements occur. Good conflict resolution is nonviolent, meets each person's needs, maintains or improves the relationship of those involved. You can help them understand that conflicts are natural and that there are many ways to resolve conflicts that will satisfy everyone involved. This process involves coaching team members to take responsibility for their actions. If conflict arises between two co-workers, you can step in as the mediator and guide them through resolving conflict without escalating it into a fight.

Before implementing any tasks or strategies to develop your team member's emotional intelligence, be sure to check if your organisation has any policies or procedures. There may be an existing policy that can guide you in developing a strategy or a procedure that can give you specific instructions. You may also need to submit a formal proposal for the relevant authorities in your organisation to review and approve or ensure that you have proper documentation of the tasks you plan to implement.

As an example, you can refer to Green Leaf Cafe policies and procedures. Green Leaf Cafe is a simulated business for you to use if you are unable to access an existing business. A document you can use as a guide in case conflict arises between your co-workers is the Mediation Policy and Procedures. This document outlines guidelines that should be followed if you act as a mediator for conflict resolution. Regardless of what tasks you want to implement, always check with your organisation for rules you need to follow.

As a leader, you can help your team members learn to recognise and understand their own and others' emotions, express their feelings and concerns, negotiate and work out their problems and handle frustrations productively using the tasks that you identified previously.

Identify where and when these tasks can be implemented. If you want your team members to do mindfulness exercises together, set a time after work or during breaks when everyone is free. You can also have them do specific tasks as a part of their regular work tasks. If you think that they can benefit from interacting more with others, set a goal for them, such as greeting and talking to each team member at least once a day.

Facilitating social relationships in the workplace like this is often associated with positive achievement. In addition, team members who develop social skills become team players and team builders, which is important both inside and outside the workplace. You can facilitate positive relationships and effective group relationships by encouraging a commitment to work as a group, valuing each other's participation, being mindful of others and showing appreciation for each other. You can also model ways to have team members work together in groups, including taking different roles, sharing responsibility, active listening, developing consensus and reflecting on one's own and the group's work.

You can foster positive relationships by modelling behaviour for everyone to follow. You can start by conveying respect and compassion for team members, listening to them carefully and responding to their needs and feelings. You can also provide specific, positive feedback on successful elements of work, along with suggestions for improvement. Positive workplaces have many ways of acknowledging team members' capabilities. High expectations of team members, combined with support, encouragement, and opportunities for success, help affirm team members' accomplishments in non-competitive ways.

Constructive emotional expression

If one of your tasks is to have team members be more direct and positive in their interactions with others, you need to provide them with the guidelines and tools they need. Teach them and demonstrate to them how to express their emotions in constructive ways:

Constructive emotional expression

If one of your tasks is to have team members be more direct and positive in their interactions with others, you need to provide them with the guidelines and tools they need. Teach them and demonstrate to them how to express their emotions in constructive ways:

Anger management

You should teach your team members the value of expressing negative emotions in healthy ways. People are often afraid to express their feelings because they do not want to be alienated from people. However, if they learn that they can open the door for good communication by communicating their frustration and anger constructively, they will be more open to expressing their emotions.

Teach them to be assertive, not aggressive, in their interpersonal style. Being aggressive and demanding things makes the other person defensive because they feel attacked. Being assertive, however, respects others' dignity and shows them that you care and are not trying to degrade them. This does not make them feel attacked, and they are more likely to show sensitivity to your needs.

Teaching team members to use a script like the following 'I - statement' can help them express their feelings instead of suppressing them:

The order in which you say the parts of the 'I' message does not matter, as long as you include its components:

Component	Action
When	Describe the person's behaviour in an objective, non-judgmental manner.
Effects	Describe the effects of the person's behaviour.
I Feel	Say how the person's behaviour makes you feel.
I Would Prefer	Tell the person what you want or what you prefer they do.

Positive and inclusive climate

Another thing you can do to facilitate the development of your team members' emotional intelligence is to create a positive and inclusive climate at work. The climate in an organisation is people's perceptions and feelings about their work environment. Many people confuse climate with culture, thinking that climate cannot be changed because it is engrained into the organisation. However, the climate can be improved. Climate is measurable and easier to transform, while culture emphasises the unspoken assumptions in an organisation, which can be more resistant to change.

Management Practices

Climate does not necessarily mean more fun and relaxation. It means creating conditions in which people feel productive and innovative.

The following are management practices that can improve how positively people perceive a climate:

• Clarity: Establish clear and specific goals for everyone. Clear communication is the link between a team's daily work and the organisation's strategy.
• Commitment: Develop challenging yet realistic goals for team members that connects them to their work
• Standards: Review team members' performance and create standards that they can achieve
• Responsibility: Encourage people to initiate tasks that they think are important
• Recognition: Recognise superior performance publicly and given specific feedback
• Teamwork: Conduct team meetings to increase trust among members, and persuade them to collaborate across the organisation

Another important thing to remember when improving the climate is to make it inclusive, especially in a diverse workplace environment. The goal of an inclusive environment is to remove the boundaries that are often set by diversity. Practising inclusivity means empowering team members to contribute their skills and perspectives to benefit the team's overall performance and the organisation as a whole.

The Diversity Council of Australia (DCA) has outlined the following mindsets necessary for you to become an inclusive leader (2015):

• Growth-focused: You should challenge the norms and incorporate different perspectives
• Flexible and agile: You should be responsive to different people and their viewpoints
• Open and curious: You should be curious and open to different perspectives
• Relational: You should create teams and networks in which people feel they belong and are valued.
• Identity-aware: You should learn about your own and other's identities.

A positive and inclusive climate improves individual engagement, enhancing performance. All of these contribute to the emotionally safe environment required for the development of emotional intelligence.

Many people put teamwork and recognition at the top of the list of keys to improving workplace climate, but each climate depends on the organisation's goals. Focus on analysing the kind of climate the organisation needs, whether it is about innovation, clients or collaboration. Since climate can be controlled, has an immediate effect, and does not require major investments, you can easily achieve your desired outcome.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to assess and manage your own and others' emotions. It includes three skills: emotional awareness, the ability to harness emotions, and manage emotions. These can be expanded into the principles of self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management in the workplace. Developing and using evaluation criteria can help you identify which of these principles are your strengths and weaknesses.

In the workplace, stress can negatively impact your emotional intelligence. It is unavoidable, but you can minimise its effects by identifying emotional stressors and methods you can use to deal with them. You can also ask for feedback from your co-workers about these methods and how you can make them more effective.

While interacting with your co-workers, you need to be mindful of their emotional states. Their emotions can be identified by paying close attention to both their verbal and nonverbal cues. You should remember that these cues can vary depending on their cultural backgrounds. Once you have identified these emotions, you should acknowledge them and give them time to process these emotions. You can offer guidance and support, but do not try to solve their problems for them.

You must also be adaptable and flexible when dealing with your co-workers. Since there is no one fixed method for interacting with other people, you need to adjust the way you interact with others depending on their communication styles. You can also use humour with them if it is appropriate for the situation.

It is also important to remember that your and others' emotions can impact important decisions. During decision-making, you should be aware of any emotions that are present and give everyone time to calm down and compose themselves before proceeding with the discussion. Regardless of what the emotion is, it deserves to be acknowledged instead of being suppressed and ignored. Conflicts may also arise as a result of these decision-making processes, so you need to be able to manage and resolve conflicts effectively by using methods like collaborating or compromising.

Aside from developing your own emotional intelligence, you should help your co-workers, especially your team members, develop theirs. You can start doing this by identifying their emotional states and how they handle their emotions and interact with others. Encourage them to share their thoughts and opinions during informal events such as going out for lunch together.

Once you have identified areas that your team members need to improve on, you can think of tasks that you can implement. These should be appropriate for them to do and are achievable. Before asking your team members to do the tasks, check if the tasks you developed align with organisational policies and procedures. These can provide you with guidelines that can help your facilitation.

Throughout the implementation of the tasks, monitor your team members' progress and give them support and constructive feedback. Improving everyone's emotional intelligence can help foster a positive and inclusive work environment within your organisation and help everyone be more productive in their work tasks, especially the collaborative ones.