What does emotional intelligence look like for you

Intelligence was once seen as only referring to cognitive abilities, but now the concept is far broader and refers to how emotionally intelligent people are. Emotional intelligence (EI) can be taught and built over time with purposeful, deliberate skill development.

You might ask yourself, ‘Why cultivate emotional intelligence?’

Reflection activity

Are you managed by your emotions, or are your feelings managed by you? Ask yourself the following questions:

1. Do you tend to overreact in some situations?
2. Do you let others’ emotional states influence your emotions?
3. Do you get triggered easily?
4. Do you sometimes find yourself wishing you had handled a situation differently?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you might be managed by your emotions rather than managing them to make appropriate decisions.

Building Awareness

The first step in building emotional intelligence is to become aware of your emotions and develop your self-awareness.

Awareness of own emotional strengths and weaknesses is the first vital step in building emotional intelligence. Once emotions are recognised and understood, they can be analysed, and their effect on others can be considered.

Developing emotional intelligence allows you to be self-aware of your feelings, especially during emotionally charged situations. This allows leaders to be proactive by managing negative emotions to avoid making poor decisions leading to workplace issues and declining team performance. Increasing your emotional intelligence allows you to better understand your team members and their strengths, values, and interests so that you can connect the right person with the right task. This allows you to align their talent to the right job to meet business objectives. People may be better suited to some tasks than others, knowing this can produce better outcomes because this is one of the key factors in keeping people in a state of flow. Careful alignment of people to tasks can support the achievement of business objectives and lead to success.

Goleman determined through his research that emotional intelligence (EI) can be developed. Like any skill you learn, it takes time and practice. It would be best if you worked at it regularly to master it, and once you have, you can share this with others, and on it goes. Listed in the following table are four ways that you can enhance and build your emotional intelligence.

Inevitably, the workplace is paired with both positives and negatives. Negatives are usually in the form of workplace stress.

Stressors look different in various roles and responsibilities. As a manager, it is likely you will be placed in highly stressful situations. It is in these situations you must ensure your emotional intelligence is in check to ensure you are working towards the best possible outcome for yourself and the team.

Let’s take a look at some of the common workplace stressors and steps to manage them in the following table.

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As your emotional intelligence continues to grow, you will find, you will need to assess your strengths and weaknesses. There are always areas of improvement. Some commonly identified areas to improve emotional intelligence include:

• Stressors and how to respond
• Flexibility and adaptability
• Responding to a range of emotional expression.

Flexibility and adaptability are crucial to all interactions in the workplace. You need to be able to consider new information and adapt and change your plans and interaction to allow for and accommodate the needs of others.

What is flexibility?

Workplace flexibility is essentially a strategy that helps respond to change within the workplace and how tasks get done. The process involves being able to see the changes in the workplace and the second is problem solving, or coming up with an appropriate response to the change. Flexibility supports resilience in the workplace and helps to cope with changing work conditions.

As a manager, it is important you know how to incorporate flexibility within the workplace. The following are some strategies which can be implemented to promote flexibility.

Establish a flexible mindset

When developing a flexible mindset, consider the following:

• Establish your core values and stick to them.
  • Core values may include
    • Acting ethically
    • Practicing empathy
    • Promoting diversity
    • Implementing work life balance.
• Develop and an open mind
  • Listen to the suggestions of others
  • Be open to the idea of change
• Accept failure
  • Use failure as a means to implement change.
• Be proactive rather than reactive
  • Find a solution rather than giving up and getting angry/frustrated.

Develop flexible skills

• Discover diverse skill sets
  • Look to your team for the skills that will complement change
• Engage in professional development
  • Participate in workshops that will help build your skills.
• Re-evaluate roles
  • Look at the team and where you can change up roles within the team.
  • Pair up people with different skill sets to encourage learning from one another
• Evaluate progress
  • Monitor the changes and evaluate how they are working through:
    • Seeking feedback from the team- ask them how they are finding the changes, what is working and what is not.
    • Look at the turn around for deadlines, are they coming in on time or going over.

Promote flexibility in teams

• Implement flexible frameworks
  • Encourage the team to take initiative with their projects or tasks. Provide them with parameters and allow them to work within them how they feel works for them.
• Avoid rigid leadership
  • Embrace new leadership styles and change.

Establish and promote work life balance

• Encourage flexitime, i.e., discuss the time frames which employees may wish to work.
  • For example, if parents with young children are working from home, offer flexibility during the school holidays. They may wish to complete some of their working hours in the evening to spend time with the children. Or schedule in a meeting outside of school pickups.
• Encourage the opportunity to work from home and in the office/workplace where applicable.⁹

What is adaptability?

Adaptability can be defined as a skill that allows one to be flexible and embrace new and creative ways of thinking. This is a vital skill for leaders and is essential to practicing competent emotional intelligence. It is important to consider, however, adaptability does not always come naturally and is not always easy to practice. As we learn new skills and practise them over time, they often become habitual. While this is beneficial to working routinely, it can also have negative implications. Habits and routines often result in rigidity, and the problem-solving often becomes lost.

As a leader, you will have the opportunity to work with various individuals across various cultures and experiences. These people often bring the skills of innovation, unique practises and techniques. If you, as a leader, are rigid and set in your ways with how you prefer tasks to be carried out and reluctant to see change, there is a risk of demotivation of staff, the potential loss of growth and a less responsive team. ¹⁰

In a study by Economist Intelligent Unit, Growing Global Executive Talent, respondents said that the top three leadership qualities are:

1. Ability to motivate staff (35%)
2. Ability to work well across cultures (34%)
3. Ability to facilitate change (31%)

^{Adapted from Adaptability can be the key to increased emotional intelligence | WLP (w-l-p.co.uk)}

You should never assume that you can interact in the same way with every person in your team. Practising emotional intelligence and cultural intelligence are pivotal. Learning the most you can about your teams enables you to avoid the assumptions and cater your leadership style to suit the team with whom you are working.

Those with emotional intelligence are better at adapting to change and being flexible because of the skills they use to self-regulate. ¹¹

Strengths versus weaknesses

When we break down strengths and weaknesses, we look at what we did well and what we could have done better. This can be challenging; however, it is important for growth in emotional intelligence and can only improve our skills.

Various contexts harness both strengths and weaknesses. For example, you may feel that your strengths lie with practicing empathy with others and pride yourself on being able to put yourself in other people’s shoes. This can also be paired with a weakness (depending on the context) as you may find yourself becoming too emotionally invested and making appropriate decisions or acting is clouded by the emotional investment. Another example is managing conflict- usually these situations are really what tests strengths and weaknesses. Conflicts are often paired with heightened emotions such as anger and frustration. These feelings are often contagious, and responses can be mirrored which is not always ideal.

Regardless of the context, it is essential you take note of your emotional strengths and weaknesses as they arise. You can do this by practicing self-reflections. You may find, there are some overlaps with the criteria you choose to assess yourself against. Fundamentally, the criteria are developed against the four aspects of emotional intelligence.

Self-reflection criteria

We will now take a look at self-reflection criteria. The self-reflection criteria should be underpinned by the four aspects of emotional intelligence.

Based on the scenario, Steve and Tracey need to complete a self-reflection. The following self-reflection has been completed by Steve (the manager). He has chosen relationship management for his criteria and completed the template.

Strategies to improve your emotional intelligence

When addressing strengths and weaknesses as a leader, you should consider ways in which you can improve your emotional intelligence.

The following are some examples of strategies you can implement when improving on your emotional intelligence.

Learn how to communicate better both verbally and non-verbally

Ensure you are mindful of how you communicate with others both verbally and non-verbally.

Learn to deal with negativity by focusing on the positive

It is important to acknowledge there is a negative element but not focus on it. Find the positives in situations.

For example:

Negative: Deadlines are tight, heavy workload and demanding clients.

Positive: Large capable team, look at the time frames of other members of the team and where possible, pull in another team member to manage the workload.

Learn how to stay calm when under pressure/stress

When pressure is high, it is easy to fall into the trap of panic. But as a manager, if you are panicked, this will trickle down into the team and the issue will not be resolved.

When managing stress, you should:

• Take a few deep breaths to re-collect your thoughts.
• Re-assess the situation from a high level, what is the issue, what caused the issue and how to fix it.
• Brainstorm strategies on resolutions.
• Seek the advice of additional management or even members of the team.

Learn to be proactive, rather than reactive

Learn to be proactive rather than reactive to situations. The following are some examples of how to practise being proactive.

• Plan ahead and ensure you have contingencies in place.
• Focus on problem-solving.
• Set yourself (and the team) goals to achieve.
• Prioritise tasks from most important to least important.
• Take action where necessary.

Learn how to express your emotions better

A fundamental aspect of emotional intelligence is not only identifying your emotions but expressing them. Instead of ignoring how you feel, be open and honest. Instead of yelling out of frustration, go for a run or a walk until you have calmed down.

Learn how to be assertive without being disrespectful or argumentative

and how to be assertive without being disrespectful or argumentative in conflicting situations. Leaders must know how to resolve conflicts between their team members, customers, or vendors.

• Focus on the facts of the situation and do not make it personal
• Take ownership of any mistakes you have made and responsibility for your actions where possible
• Be open minded and willing to listen to the various points of view
• Aim to find common ground.

Learn to be empathic to others

Practice empathy where possible. Put yourself in someone else's position and try to gage how they are feeling and how you would like someone to respond to you.

Learn how to control your impulses

Learn how to stay calm when under pressure/stress and learn how to control your impulses the next time you are in a challenging situation.

• Practice deep-breathing exercises to calm yourself
• Assert yourself in a respectful manner and walk away for example, I understand you are angry and frustrated, but I need a minute to process and I will get back to you shortly.
• Seek support from other management if required.
• Walk away if a situation becomes too intense.

As a leader, you will often find yourself in a position where you may need to ask for more from your team. In these cases, you must acknowledge that it is frustrating and how they must feel (particularly if longer hours are required). When possible, give back, this can be through early marks or later starts in the day.

Part of building strengths in emotional intelligence is seeking and providing feedback. There is a difference between knowledge of performance and knowledge of results concerning emotional intelligence.

Knowledge of Performance versus Knowledge of Results

Knowledge of Performance helps people understand the link between what they do and say and the outcome they achieve. Knowledge of performance focuses more on helping team members see the whole picture of their performance rather than focusing solely on their actions’ outcomes.

Knowledge of Results only tells people what has happened as a result. Knowledge of results refers to how successfully a skill is performed. This type of feedback is considered ‘external feedback.’

There is a significant difference between these types of feedback in the workplace. With this type of feedback, you are discussing how people perform, and this type of feedback requires emotional intelligence. When discussing the quality of execution as it relates to the person’s skill set, a leader needs to use empathy. Empathy used when providing feedback helps leaders discuss these aspects of an employee’s performance in a way that creates intrinsic (internal) motivation, where an employee is left with feelings of hope rather than with feelings of failure, so they are more inclined to want to improve.

Fun fact!

Did you know, there are different types of empathy? Watch the following video with Daniel Goleman to learn the different types of empathy and how they are important to effective leadership and developing better teams.

Identifying areas of improvement

The main purpose of giving feedback is to improve on specific areas. But you cannot give or receive feedback if you have not identified the areas of improvement.¹¹

Let’s take a look at some of the common areas of improvement.

¹¹

Feedback sources and improving performance

When seeking feedback to improve performance, it is essential to access the most useful sources; these may not always be the ones that ‘feel’ the best. Sometimes it is more useful to obtain feedback from sources that may make you uncomfortable.

Great sources of feedback include some of the following:

• colleagues
• mentors
• senior managers
• subordinates
• customers
• stakeholders.

Ways to ask for feedback

Seeking feedback is sometimes perceived as intimidating, but it has benefits that come with it. When you are asking for feedback, you will be looking to people based on their level of experience. Feedback allows you to grow within your role and play to your strengths. ¹²

The following are the steps in which you should consider when you are seeking feedback.

1. Reflect on what you hope to accomplish.
   •  The goal should outline what you are doing well and what areas you need to improve on.
   • The end goal should be to walk away with advice that you can then act upon for improvement.
   • Avoid using feedback as a means to boost ego, if this is what you are seeking, then you may need to reconsider the goal.
2. Identify the right people to seek feedback from
   •  Ensure you have carefully considered the who.
   •  They should be someone you trust will give you the best possible advice and have a clear and appropriate perspective.
   • They should have experience and a wealth of knowledge.
3.  Be prepared with the appropriate types of questions.
   • Ask open ended questions, that is, questions that warrant detailed answers which can be used to gather more information on a specific topic.
   • Ask questions to seek clarity on the context, for example:
     • What are specific practises I can implement to support the objective?
     • What methods can I use to better support the team achieve their goals?
     • What are the main concerns you have regarding communication styles?
     • How do you feel about our interactions?
     •  How do you find my leadership skills?
   • Ask closed ended questions, these are short and simple evoking a yes or no response. For example:
     • Has my communication improved?
     • Is the team performing better?
     • Do you think I need to take further action?
     • Am I supporting you enough as a manager?
   •  Ask follow up questions. Try not to miss this opportunity to gain further clarity on concepts you are not sure of. For example:
     • Can you please elaborate.
4.  Take notes
   • Keep a notebook handy and write down some of the key points from the feedback you have received.
5.  Review and reflect
   •  Once you have received the feedback, consider how you are going to implement it.
   •  Take the time to come up with a plan to incorporate the feedback.
   •  Organise your notes in a step by step easy to follow manner so you can refer back to it later. For example:
     • Highlight key points
     • Create a checklist as a reference point to determine you have actioned or taken the advice.
   •  Follow through on the feedback you have received. For example:
   •  Work through what can be actioned immediately and make this the priority
   • Consider the tasks that will take longer to accomplish and therefore more planning.
   • Factor in a follow up meeting with the relevant stakeholders you sought the feedback from as a means of accountability. ¹²

Seeking feedback when working remotely

With many of us working in a hybrid environment or solely remotely, seeking feedback can become a bit of a challenge because we cannot simply walk over and ask for it. Instead, we rely on technology. In these environments, it is likely you will need to seek feedback via email and virtual meeting.

When seeking feedback in an email you should consider the following steps:

1. Outline the purpose and objectives in clear and structured manner.
2. Keep the request to the point.
3. Open the email with the feedback request you are seeking.
4. Avoid lengthy text and specify the types of feedback you are looking for. For example:
   • Constructive
   • Coaching
   • Appreciation or recognition.
5. Be clear and concise and structure the questions in bold and preferably in a list. (Busy colleagues are not likely to read lengthy text)
6. Prioritise what you want the area of focus to be on. For example, leadership style and communication. If you have a reference point for feedback use it. This could be a tool, image or product you have created. This helps to trigger a memory and help engage the individual(s).¹²

The 360 Degree Feedback Tool

The 360-degree, also known as multi-rater feedback, is a feedback tool that provides input about performance and functioning in the workplace from multiple directions and viewpoints. It allows for consideration of the emotional impact on all those with whom you interact.

The following are just some benefits that the 360-degree feedback tool provides:

• Multiple directions and viewpoints.
• It can be uncomfortable (enabling you to build EI).
• More effective since it offers various views.
• Produces emotional intelligence.

The following video provides information on the 360-degree feedback tool, how it works and how it serves as beneficial within the workplace. The 360-degree feedback tool is more effective in building emotional intelligence than unidirectional feedback.

Giving feedback to others

Giving feedback is just as important and receiving it. As a leader or manager, giving feedback is one aspect of your role that you will find yourself providing on a regular basis.

When you are giving feedback, it is important you consider the following six step process.

Aim for honesty

When you are giving feedback, you need to be helpful and honest. Feedback is aimed to help improve and if you leave out certain aspects of feedback because you feel it will ‘upset’ the other person, it will negate from the purpose of giving feedback in the first place.

Be specific and conscious of time

Specify what it is you are giving feedback on. Pick a skill and how it was applied to a project or task. Deliver the feedback in a timely manner and consider the context. Try and stay on task so as not to create any confusion.

Aim to listen in order to learn

Ensure you encourage and practise active listening for both you and the team or individual you are giving feedback to. Feedback requires an open mind and willingness to listen and understand.

Ask clarifying questions

Confirm or clarify that what you are saying is being understood. For example, “does that make sense?’ ‘do you want me to elaborate further?’. You may also wish to broaden the scope, that means outlining why your statements are important and how they can be used to perform tasks.

Take notes

Keep a record of the feedback you are giving (or come prepared with notes before you start). Use these notes as reference point to refer back when necessary.

Follow up

Be sure to check in after you have delivered feedback to ensure it has had the desired effect and offer anything further whether additional feedback or assistance where necessary.

In leadership, making decisions is an integral part of your role. In terms of your own emotional intelligence, decision making has quite a significant impact on all four areas. The decisions you make will often have an effect on the task at hand, yourself and the people in your team. Making decisions requires you to have the confidence you have made the right choice and carry the consequence if the decision was not the right one. These decisions do not solely affect you as a leader, the effect everyone around you. ¹³

Let us take a look at what is involved in the decision-making process and how it affects others.

Decision making process

Before we look into the steps of making, it is important to avoid your personal preference; this limits your options, avoid making decision purely based on your own personal preference. The following are seven steps to consider when making a decision.

1. Identify the decision that needs to be made.
2. Collect information
3. Identify alternatives
4. Weigh up the evidence
5. Choose among alternatives
6. Take action
7. Review the decision. ¹⁴

Conscious decision making

Decision making often has consequences for others. In terms of emotional intelligence, the decisions you make will more than likely have an impact on your EI and that of others. There are four decision styles that consider the involvement of others. The following figure illustrates these styles. ¹⁵

^{Adapted from The 4 decision styles: When to involve others in decisions - Jesse Lyn Stoner, Seapoint Center for Collaborative Leadership. Stoner, J.L. (2016) (15)}

The diagram highlights four very different styles. Let us take a look at these styles in more detail. The following table offers a technique on how to use each style paired with the pros and cons on using them.

Knowledge check

Before we continue, let’s check what you have learnt so far.

Work through the following three (3) questions to test your knowledge. Click the arrows the navigate between the tasks.